fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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