I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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