sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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