Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
