Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
