I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
