I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
