I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
