you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
