oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I met the friendliest cop last night
Farmville is her only friend.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
