im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
