Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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