you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
