Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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