Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
"it" just moved
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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