you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
