we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
