i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
