I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
