Don't you send me to vm
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
