I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
