Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
