you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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