I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
