I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
