Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
