dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
