Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
