you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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