DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
