hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
