So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
