No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
