theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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