i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
