i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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