I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Your cock deserves a montage
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
