At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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