it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
