How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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