we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
