Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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