He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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