chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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