Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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