Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
