is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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