meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
