so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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