we made out on top of his cat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
