I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
