recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
