I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
