Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
