So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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