dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
