Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
