I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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