Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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