So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
