He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
