sorry about calling you the devil all night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
