How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
