I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
