I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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