I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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