Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
