im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
