I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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