I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
