Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
