Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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