I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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