He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize