K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
